Hank Hill and the Sorcerer's Stone
by dkspa
Summary: Hank Hill never flew on a broomstick. He's never met Goblins, done magic, or anything of the sort. All Hank has known is his home in Arlen, Texas and selling propane. That's all going to change after he receives a mysterious letter from a magical place.
1. The Beginning

A Hill at Hogwarts

It was a normal, boring day in the simple town of Arlen, Texas; the birds were singing, the sun was shining and 4 friends were standing in an alley, drinking their beers.

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mhm"

"Yup"

One of the people standing in the alley was the propane expert himself Hank Hill. The others were his longtime friends Boomhauer, Dale, and Bill.

They treated this day like any other day but little did Hank know his life was about to change forever.

As they were talking about the recent Cowboys game, a strange, white owl flew by carrying a letter in its beak. This owl wasn't a normal owl, it was magical. In its beak was a letter from a school of magic, and someone was finally getting their letter.

The owl dropped the letter in front of Hank and all of his friends stared in awe.

"Hank you didn't tell me you had a mail delivering owl!" Bill shouted.

"Shut up, Bill" Hank said, reaching for the letter at his feet and reading the front.

"What in god's name is Hogwarts? Is it some kind of disease?"

Hank continued reading the letter and he couldn't believe what he was reading.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL  
of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,  
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Mr. Hill,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.  
Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall  
Deputy Headmistress

p.s. We apologize for the late letter, it must have gotten lost in the mail.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL  
of WHICHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

UNIFORM  
First-year students will require:  
sets of plain work robes (black)  
plain pointed hat (black) for day wear  
pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)  
winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)  
Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.

COURSE BOOKS  
All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)  
by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling

A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi  
by Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them  
by Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection  
by Quentin Trimble

OTHER EQUIPMENT

1 wand  
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)  
1 set glass or crystal phials  
1 telescope  
1 set brass scales

Students may also bring and owl OR a cat OR a toad.

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

Hank reread the letter multiple times but it still didn't make any sense.

"Alright you jackasses, who wrote this dang letter? This isn't funny."

"It wasn't me, Hank, honest!" Bill said, slowly backing away from Hanks clenching fists.

"I tell you what man this whole gosh dang mess is a mess man I tell you what" Boomhauer reasoned.

Dale was a little more believing. "Maybe it's real, Hank. You and I both know the government hides things from us all the time. Who's to say the wizards aren't controlling the government? And according to this letter you're one. Hank are you plotting a takeover of the United States of America? Are you Hank! Are you!"

"Shut up, Dale. Our government wouldn't hide the existence of…whatchama call it, wizards from us. Our government is there to protect and serve us and I love our country. I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing."

While they argued amongst themselves they failed to notice a faint pop and a sudden appearance of a man.

"Excuse me; do any of you happen to be Hank Hill?" The mysterious man questioned.

Hank eyed this man up and down; he was dressed in a queer robe that would've been popular in the middle ages. He hated when teenagers would dress strangely, but when men his age dressed like that Hank would get even more disgusted. Hank never followed any new age fashion on "the mtv" but this was just ridiculous. Hank adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.

"Uh that would be me, sir, how can I help ya?"

"Hello there, I'm with Hogwarts and I would like to have a word with you."

Hank's anger began to rise.

"You mean that dang letter that says I'm a wizard? For Pete's sake you can't honestly believe that I fell for that nonsense I tell you what."

Hank was about to tell the strange man to leave when he pulled out a stick.

"Is that supposed to scare me or something? I ought to kick your ass…" But before Hank could take a step the man waved his wand and Bill's beer flew out of his hand and poured itself all over his head.

"BWAH!"


	2. Donalbain

"BWAH! After a few seconds he regained his composure. "What in God's name have you done?" Hank was furious with this strange man.

"Nothing to fear; I can easily replace that" And with a waved of his wand another bear can appeared in Bill's hand.

"What in God's name are you doing? Is this some kind of magic trick? Because it's only making me angry!"

The strange man appeared startled, but he regained his composure. "Yes it is magic, Mr. Hill. Or would you prefer Hank?"

"Uh…it's Mr. Hill."

"Mr. Hill," The wizard continued. "We need to discuss your schooling somewhere private."

Against the protests of his friends, Hank decided he had to let the man in.

"Uh we could go into my den; it's only been me and my son, Bobby. My niece Luanne and my wife Peggy have been missing for a while, but they should be back eventually."

"That would be lovely, lead the way, Mr. Hill."

They made their way across Hank's lawn and entered his den.

"So would you like a beer mister…."

"It's Donalbain, and would you happen to have any firewhiskey?"

"Ugh this is gonna be a long day…." Hank got up and went to the fridge to get them both beers.

After a few hours of explanation, Donalbain informed Hank of the wizarding world and how wizards have lived among normal people or "muggles" throughout history.

"Well mister I gotta say you tell one heck of a story, but where do I fit in? I'm just a simple Texan who sells propane and propane accessories. I don't even like magic shows."

"Well, Mr. Hill, Cotton Hill was your uncle, not your father. Your father was a very powerful wizard who was killed in battle. His dying wish was for you to live in America with your uncle and aunt. For some odd reason your letter never got sent until now."

Hank was in shock, Cotton wasn't his father? His father was a magician? Hank couldn't continue his thought because Bobby walked in.

Bobby hadn't changed one bit in recent years; He still retained his boyish humor and his short and chubby stature.

"Hey dad what's u…oh that's a cool costume you have, mister. Dad can I get one of those?"

"Ugh…Bobby go to your room."

"Oh nonsense, Mr. Hill, your son should know about all of this. Son, I'm a wizard and your father is also wizard."

"Oh like those Kids in Waverly Place?"

Hank face palmed himself. "Ugh, Bobby, go to your room."

"But, dad I…"

"Bobby, room, now!"

After that little interruption they continued with their discussion.

"So how do I get to this…uh…Hogwarts? And what will I do about Ladybird? And my boy, Bobby."

The wizard never missed a beat. "Well we will apparate to London to pick up your schooling supplies then we'll go to the train station where you will board a train that will take you to the school."

"Apparate? Is that like a boat or something?"

Donalbain chuckled. "No, Mr. Hill, it's magical teleportation; it's the easiest way to travel. It's quiet simple actually."

"Oh God…I think I'm going to be sick."

"It's ok, Mr. Hill, lie down and rest. I'll be back tomorrow and we can go get your things." With a pop, Donalbain disappeared.


	3. Diagon Alley

**Chapter 3 is finally here! Try not to act too excited...**

* * *

It was a long night for Hank Hill. He could barely sleep and when he could his dreams were full of witches, wizards, and magic. Tossing and turning, propane was nowhere near his dreams this time. After an extremely restless night he got out of bed.

"Oh…heh heh…that magic stuff was all just a dream. Now all I have to worry about is the new shipment that's gonna come i…"

Hank couldn't finish because at that moment a pop was heard and Donalbain appeared in his bedroom.

"Dear I must've over shot the landing. Oh hello."

"BWAAAAHHH! What are you doing! I'm not decent!" Hank was standing there in his white shirt and boxer shorts that went to his knees, trying to cover himself.

"My apologizes, Mr. Hill, I'll wait in the den." Donalbain walked out of the room and after he left Hank finished getting ready. Hank put on his blue jeans and his glasses. He looked like a mess but he couldn't leave the man waiting so he brushed his hair and went out to meet Donalbain.

"So..uh...heh heh…are we gonna go to a magic shop or something? Pick me up a top hat and cape? Heh heh."

"A top hat? Haha no, Mr. Hill, we're going to Diagon Alley to pick up your school supplies. We're going to need some books, a cauldron, a telescope, a wand…." Donalbain continued on while Hank half listened.

"Now wait just a gosh dang minute, this all sounds pretty expensive. Assistant manager at Strickland Propane is a dream job, but it's not the highest paying job around."

"Oh not to worry, Mr. Hill." Donalbain assured. "The school is willing to offer financial aid if needed."

"Oh…well that's a relief I suppose."

Donalbain and Hank exited the house and entered the alley to apparate to Diagon Alley. Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer were already out there, enjoying their beers.

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mhm"

Bill was the first one to notice Hank and the man they met yesterday. "Oh hey, Hank! Are you going somewhere with your new friend?"

Hank really didn't feel like dealing with Bill today. "Bill be quiet for once in your life." Bill shut up almost immediately. Dale still eyed the wizard cautiously, expecting him to turn him into a frog or a roach or something while Boomhauer remained strangely calm.

"Alright, Mr. Hill, if you would please grab my arm we can be off."

Hank shifted awkwardly. "Uh…do we uh..have to? Can't I just grab your shoulder or something?"

"No, that wouldn't be very secure and we wouldn't want you to end up somewhere you shouldn't be. Don't worry, Mr. Hill, I don't bite."

"That's not what I'm afraid of…" Hank reluctantly grabbed his arm and the minute he did they were off.

* * *

Hank felt like he was being squeezed through a tight tube; he could barely breathe and felt like he was going to pass out. Before he could he landed on pavement and air rushed his lungs.

"Ugh I think I'm going to throw up…''

Donalbain chuckled "Don't sweat it; most people do their first time. Just breathe and you'll be fine. Welcome to London, Mr. Hill!"

Hank managed to look up and noticed it did look later then when he left. It looked like late afternoon. He was somewhere in a city, people were passing them by, barely noticing them at all. He noticed that the license plates were different than the ones back home and everyone was driving on the opposite side of the road. Hank had never been to England before.

"So you weren't kidding when you said we could teleport, this place is a lot different than Arlen."

"It's my home, Mr. Hill, and Hogwarts will be your home for most of this year. Come along now, the Leaky Cauldron is down the way." Donalbain led Hank down the street, dodging muggles who paid them little noticed. "Here we are! The entrance to Diagon Alley!"

Hank looked up at the pub; it appeared to be a broken down old building and not much to look at. Donalbain led Hank into the entrance and through the pub. He noticed that the people in there were dressed similarly to Donalbain.

"So Donalbain, all wizards dress like you, I mean in dresses?"

"You mean my robes? Yes most wizards and witches do."

"Oh brother…"

They continued onward to the back where the entrance to the alley lay.

Hank eyed the wall up and down. "I think we went the wrong way, nothing here but a brick wall…"

Donalbain touched bricks in a counter-clockwise circle. Right before Hank's eyes a passage way opened up, letting them both in. Hank was a little hesitant going through, but it wasn't the strangest thing he's seen lately so he went through. A completely magical place was reveal to the Texan. Moving posters adorned the walls of buildings everywhere; people of all ages dressed in robes and carried bags with things while others charmed their belongings to follow them. No matter how much he looked he couldn't take everything in.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley. Come along, Mr. Hill, let's go pick up a wand at Ollivander's. He's the best in the country you know."

Hank and Donalbain walked along and entered the ancient shop. The shop's interior was covered in cobwebs and a layer dust covered the counter in the center; thousands of rectangular boxes lined the shelves.

He was taking in the scenery so he failed to notice an old man appeared behind the counter.

"Can I help you?"

"BWAAAAHHHH!" Hank backed up, surprised by the sudden appearance of the man.

Donalbain stepped up. "Yes, my friend here needs a wand, he's starting school in September. Ollivander eyed Hank up and down.

"Little old to be starting school aren't we, Mister?"

"Hill and my letter came late. Heh heh, doesn't beat good old United States postal service I tell you what."

Ollivander didn't seem to appreciate the comment. He turned around and retrieved a box from the shelf.

"Here try this one out." Ollivander handed Hank the wand. "10 inches, oak, dragon heartstring. Don't just stand there, give it a wave!"

Hank waved the wand, unsure of himself. A sudden warmth came to his hand and traveled up his arm. It was the same feeling he gets when he grills or when the Cowboys score a touchdown. "This feels about right I tell you what."

Ollivander looked a little shocked. "Hmm, very curious…." Before any of them could ask, Ollivander asked for payment. Donalbain paid the bill and they left. Once they left the shop, Ollivander rushed to the back to look something up and confirm his suspicion.

* * *

**rate and review please**


	4. Gringotts and the Express

**Chapter 4 is a go!**

* * *

Donalbain and Hank left the shop and continued on as the hot August sun beat down on them. Donalbain pointed out and explained things as they went on; He explained to Hank how the moving pictures worked and how broomsticks flew. Hank couldn't believe that someone would want to fly on a broomstick instead of driving a good old fashion automobile. The more things he saw, the sicker he got. Hank also kept stealing glances at the passing wizards but he wasn't the only one glancing though.

Wizards and witches looked at Hank with wonder and confusion. While everyone else around him wore robes, he wore blue jeans and a white shirt, his usual outfit. He did notice this and it made him feel a little uncomfortable and angry.

Hank lowered his voice so nobody else could hear. "Hey, Donalbain, why are all these folks giving me odd looks? It's not like I'm the one who's wearing a dress."

"Well, Mr. Hill, most, If not all, wizards wear robes and you lack them. You may think they're the weird ones but to them you're the weird one. If you just put a robe on they won't pay attention to you."

"Being weird to the weirdos is exactly what I want!" Some wizards looked his way when he heard him shout.

"You'll see in time, Mr. Hill. You'll see in time." Donalbain sighed.

People continued to stare at the pair as they made their way into various shops and picked up Hank's supplies.

"Alright, Hank, we have to go to Gringotts and get some more galleons, money. We still need to get your books.

"Gringotts is the name of the bank? What's a gringott? "

Donalbain chuckled. "He was a Goblin, Mr. Hill."

"A what?"

"Ha-ha, you'll see soon enough." They continued on until they reached a grand building with witches and wizards filing in and out. They entered through the large doors, careful to avoid others doing the same.

Hank looked around. "Goblins? Heh heh that was a good one. I don't see any gobl.." Before Hank could finish a voice interrupted him.

"Can I help you, sir?" A little man, if you could call it a man, stood before him. His shiny, large dome lacked any trace of hair. Large, pointy ears adorned the sides of his head and he had a crooked nose.

Hank took a few steps back. "BWAAHH! What are you?"

The goblin sighed. "I'm a goblin, sir."

Hank took a few steps back then sprinted out of the bank, knocking over a few wizards as he left.

Donalbain chased after him, calling out his name as he did. Hank finally slowed down and Donalbain managed to catch up.

"Alright, you, I'm not taking another god dang step. I am sick and tired of all of this and I want to go home and be normal!" The vain in Hank's forehead was pulsing strongly. "I don't want any more of this nonsense and I just want to sell propane and raise my family. I'm just a Texan, not a gosh dang wizard! Now bring me home this instant or I'll kick your ass, I tell you what.

Donalbain sighed. "I'm sorry, Hank, but I'm under strict orders that you have to go to school and I have to get you there. By any means necessary."

He raised his wand, muttered something and Hank's world went dark.

* * *

"Ugh my head…what happened?" Hank slowly opened his eyes and saw the top of what looked like a train compartment. He had no idea how he got here. "Next time I see Donalbain I'm gonna kick his ass…" Hank slowly got to his feet and exited the compartment. Looking out the window, he noticed that he was indeed on a train and that they were now passing a forest. He looked into each compartment, trying to find anyone that could tell him where he was.

After a searching a few more compartments he found two kids. One was a skinny, red head and the other, a boy with jet black hair, glasses, and a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. They were talking amongst themselves and eating snacks. Hank opened the door. One was Ron Weasley and the other was the famous Harry Potter.

"Hey Kids, would you mind telling me where I am?"

Harry didn't expect to see anyone older than 18 on the train and this man looked over 40.

Harry went and whispered to Ron. "Ron do you know who this is?"

"Not a clue, Harry. He might be a professor though. Probably just got cursed by Fred or George or something, but his clothing looks muggle." Ron forgot to whisper back though and Hank heard it all.

"No, I'm not a professor or a teacher; I'm just a Texan who wants to go home."

Ron answered back. "Well that's impossible right now; we're on the Hogwarts Express, heading for Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts…." It took Hank a few seconds for it to sink in. "BWAAAHHH!"

* * *

To those who are reading... do you enjoy this story at all? I mean ill still add chapters but nobody is reviewing so I don't know what anyone thinks.


	5. The Sorting of Hank Hill

"BWAAAHH!" Hank almost fell over and he would have if Ron and Harry hadn't rushed to his side to balance him. They led him over to the seat and offered him something but he declined.

"This is a mistake! I shouldn't be here; it's all that jackass Donalbain's fault. I need to go speak with the conductor of this godforsaken train and tell him to bring me back."

"I'm sorry, that isn't possible." A high voice interrupted them. In the hallway at the entrance of the door stood a girl of 11 with bushy brown hair and slightly bucked teeth. "As I was saying, the conductor charms the train to only stop at Hogwarts. It says so in _Hogwarts: A History_. "

Ron spoke up "Well who asked you?" The girl looked a little taken aback, but regained her composure.

"I was just trying to help!" She snapped back as she stormed away. Ron turned back to Hank.

"Looks like you're stuck here, mate." He shrugged. "I heard Hogwarts was grand from my brothers, it's not the worst place to be stuck at, unless you're with Filch. George told me he hangs kids from their ears by chains!"

"Oh I just realized I didn't introduce myself, my name's Ron."

"And my name Is Harrry."

"Oh…well I'm Mr. Hill. And that story you just told us; I'm sure that's not true because you'd have a boat load of parents telephoning this "school" and this "Filch" would probably be fired if he was punishing the students that way. My wife Peggy almost got fired for spanking one kid."

Harry thought this Filch sounded an awful a lot like his uncle, believing a good beating makes a good kid.

Ron looked a little confused. "What's a telephone?"

"What?" Hank didn't get an answer because the train lurched and they came to a stop. "Oh what now?"

Harry looked out the window. "I think we're here." Outside the window was a station and they could see a small village and beyond that was a giant castle.

"Firs' years, firs' years, right this way!" A booming voice said from outside the train. Ron tugged on Harry's sleeve.

"That's us. Let's go, Harry, I heard we get to go on the boats this year!" Ron and Harry hurried out the train while Hank was a little more reluctant. He thought that if he stayed on he could go back to where they came from, but he realized he didn't know where back was. If he went to the school, maybe someone could help him out, preferably someone _normal_.

"Ugh" Hank sighed as he made his way through the crowd of children. He towered over them and looked really out of place with his white shirt and blue jeans while everyone else had robes on. It was nighttime but he could see the reflections of the lanterns off the top of the lake.

"Mr. Hill, over here! You can ride with us!" A voice shouted. Hank looked over and saw Ron. He pretended to not notice and stepped into his own boat. Almost instantly the boat began to move. Hank looked around for any way the boat could've started. He didn't see an engine or any oars.

'Magic…ugh' He thought.

After about 10 minutes they arrived at the shore, right outside Hogwarts. Even though Hank didn't want to be there, he couldn't resist admiring the architecture of the castle. Hank followed the other first years up to the castle. He looked around and noticed that he was about 30 years older than anyone else here. After a few minutes they stopped at two large wooden doors. An older witch stood in front of the door holding a scroll.

"Alright, everyone, listen up!" Almost instantly everyone stopped talking. "Hogwarts has 4 houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. You each will be sorted into one of those houses and you will remain there for the rest of the time you are here. I will call you up name by name and you will be sorted. My name is Professor McGonagall and I'm the Transfiguration instructor and head of Gryffindor. I will be right back." McGonagall went to leave but Hank tried to stop her.

"Professor McGonagall I think there's been a mistake! I don't belong here."

The first years began to talk about this "muggle". Some pointed and whispered while others just stared.

"Everything is in order, Mr. Hill. Just wait here to get sorted with the rest and if you have a problem come speak with me after." With that she turned around and walked through the doors and closed them behind her.

"Mr. Hill! Mr. Hill!" Hank looked at who shouted his name and he saw Harry and Ron again.

"Oh…hey you two." Hank greeted them. "Shouldn't you two, you know, talk to kids your own age? I'm an adult and I'm probably not going to stay here long."

"It's fine, I never really had a lot of friends so any are good." Harry assured.

"Yeah you should stay away from Weasel over there, you might catch his poorness." A snide voice remarked. This voice belonged to Draco Malfoy, a blond, rich, pureblood wizard. "The name's Draco, Draco Malfoy." Draco said as he reached for Harry's hand. "You and I should be friends. You should choose your friends carefully. I wouldn't want to be seen with blood traitors and rednecks…"

Hank wasn't really listening, but when he heard 'redneck' he got furious.

"Redneck? Alright you little punk you need to learn some manners. If I was your father I would set you straight right now, I tell you what."

"If you were my father I probably would've ran away."

"If you were older I'd probably kick your ass…"

Harry chimed in. "I don't need friends like you, Malfoy. Thanks but no thanks."

Draco gave dirty looks to them all and started walking away. "You just made a big mistake, Potter."

Professor McGonagall opened the doors. "Right this way, children."

All of them filed into the Great Hall. 4 long tables with students at each were in the hall. At the end of the room there was a table that sat older wizards and witches; this was the teacher's table. Right in front of it was a stool with an old hat on it. After everyone had entered and quieted down, a mouth-like slit appeared on the hat and it began to sing:

_Oh you may not think I'm pretty,  
But don't judge on what you see,  
I'll eat myself if you can find  
A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,  
Your top hats sleek and tall,  
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat  
And I can cap them all._

_There's nothing hidden in your head  
The Sorting Hat can't see,  
So try me on and I will tell you  
Where you ought to be._

__

You might belong in Gryffindor,  
Where dwell the brave at heart,  
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry  
Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,  
Where they are just and loyal,  
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true  
And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,  
if you've a ready mind,  
Where those of wit and learning,  
Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin  
You'll make your real friends,  
Those cunning folks use any means  
To achieve their ends.

_So put me on! Don't be afraid!  
And don't get in a flap!  
You're in safe hands (though I have none)  
For I'm a Thinking Cap!_

After the hat finished everyone clapped, everyone except Hank Hill. He tried to keep his surprise down but a little 'BWAAH' escaped his lips. Hats don't talk, or at least that's what he thought.

McGonagall stood up and addressed the first years. "When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted, Abbott, Hannah!" A girl approached the stool and put the hat on her head. A few seconds later it shouted "HUFFLEPUFF!" The Hufflepuff table clapped and cheered as Hannah ran over and took a seat.

A few more people were called up and sorted. Hank leaned over and whispered to Ron. "What does that hat do? Is it shouting out houses randomly?"

"I'm not sure; my brother told me we had to wrestle a troll…"

"Hill, Henry!" McGonagall shouted. Everyone whispered and stared at Hank as he slowly made his way to the sorting hat. Everyone was confused why this older man who wore muggle clothes was being sorted with the first years.

Hank stared at the hat for a few seconds, not sure if he should put it on, but McGonagall insisted and he had to.

"_Well well well, what do we have here?"_ A voice said.

'BWAAHH, who said that?" Hank looked around but everyone was silent, waiting for him to be sorted.

"_It's just me, Henry. I'm looking into your head trying to decide which house you belong to."_

"It's Hank and I don't belong to any house but my own in Arlen, Texas."

"_Very interesting, Hank, very interesting. I don't know what propane is but you sure love it. My, such fierce determination. I think you'll do well in_ GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor's were unsure at first but they eventually started to cheer as he made his way over and sat down.

Everyone else was sorted and Harry and Ron were sorted into Gryffindor, much to Hank's chagrin.

The old wizard with the long beard, Headmaster Dumbledore, said a few words and dismissed the students to their dorms.

* * *

**If anyone has any characters they liked to add just say it in a review. Also, does anyone think other characters from King of the Hill should come in eventually?**


	6. Letters and Dumbledore

Students with gold badges on their robes arose from their seats and began shouting out their respective houses, trying to call the first years of their respective houses. While the prefects rallied the first years, everyone else began filing out the giant, wooden doors and walking towards their dorm, everyone except one person. Hank began making his way over to the teacher's table, but hoards of students ready to sleep off their meals were blocking him.

"Move out of the way! I need to see...McGonagall! Professor McGonagall I need to talk to you!" Hank shouted, waved his arm trying to get her attention. He continued to push by students, but it was no use. By the time he reached the teacher's table they were gone.

"Hey you! You should be on your way to the dorms by now!" A voice shouted behind Hank. A boy with a prefect badge on his robe, who looked like Ron, but older, was walking towards Hank and he looked furious. "We dismissed students 10 minutes ago, what are you still doing here?"

Hank couldn't believe this. "Look…junior, I was just trying to talk to Professor McGonagall about something. And if you haven't noticed I'm at least 20 years older than you so I'd show a little more respect for your elders if I was you, I tell you what."

If it was possible the boy became even angrier. "I don't care how old you are! As long as you're a student and I'm a prefect I will have authority over you. Do I make myself clear?"

Hank almost retorted, but he had a really long day so he just grunted and walked to the dorms. He'd have to wait until tomorrow to talk to McGonagall. They left the Great Hall and walked up the stairs. The stairs were very frustrating, but Hank didn't have any energy left to complain. They stopped in front of a painting with a large woman in it.

"Alright, Hank, this is the entrance. All you have to do is say the password and the Fat Lady will open." Percy cleared his throat. "_Caput Draconis"_ The Fat Lady yawned and swung open, revealing the common room. "You must report back here at curfew. You are not required to go up to your bed, but you cannot leave under any circumstances."

Percy prattled on and Hank occasionally nodded.

"Understood, Mr. Hill?"

The mention of his name snapped him out of his stupor. "Uh, yes. Of course."

Hank realized that he needed to get in touch with his family and friends in Arlen. "Say, uh, is there a telephone I can use around here? I need to talk to my dog and son back home. "

"Well there are parchments and quills over there" He said, motioning towards some desks in front of the fireplace. "You can seal the envelope and give it to an owl and your family should get it shortly. You can bring it to the owlery in the morning."

Hank thanked him and Percy walked up a staircase to his room. Hank grabbed a seat and picked up a quill and parchment. He tried to write but realized he needed to dip it in ink. 'Damn feathers, what I wouldn't do for a pen'. After that minor inconvenience he began to write:

_Dear Buck Strickland,_

_Hello, sir, I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you that I won't be at work tomorrow. You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I will say I'm at a school. I'm going to try to get back to Arlen as soon as possible so don't worry too much. I'll be back before you know it,_

_ Hank_

Satisfied, Hank put the piece of parchment in an envelope with Strickland Propane's address on it. He grabbed another piece and wrote a letter to Bobby:

_Dear Bobby,_

_Hey, son, how are you? Well if you haven't noticed I haven't been home for a while. Don't worry, I'm trying to get home and I will be soon. There's food in the fridge and don't forget to walk Ladybird. I'll be home in the next few days so don't worry. See you soon,_

_ Dad_

Hank finished writing and did the same thing with this letter as the last. After finishing, Hank decided that he should probably go to bed. Yawning, he walked up the stairs until he reached a door that said first years on it. Inside there were bunk beds with sleeping children on them. He looked around and saw an empty bed. He took his glasses off and placed it next to his wand, which had been brought in with his other things. Being too tired to go on the bottom bunk, Hank jumped on top. The moment his head touch the pillow he was out.

* * *

It was quiet for the next few hours, but a crack could be heard every so often. Around 5am Hank's bed finally gave out to his weight. CRASH! All of the kids jumped out of their beds to see what happened. Hank jumped out of his broken bed and checked it out.

"Hmm…wasn't very sturdy. This bed looks over 100 years old. If I had any of my dang tools I'd be able to fix her up real nice." Hank continued looking at his bed while some of the kids went back to theirs. Hank realized he wasn't going back to sleep so he grabbed his letters and his wand and went to find the owlery.

He went down the stairs and entered the common room. The fire was nearly out and everything was as he left it. It was still pretty dark, but he managed to find his way to the hall. He searched around the castle for about 30 minutes, nearly bumping into multiple ghosts, until he decided to give up. He would've if some of the paintings didn't offer to help him. He felt very odd talking to paintings but they were surprisingly helpful.

He found the owlery in no time flat. Hank couldn't believe how many owls were there; All around he could hear the fluttering of wings and squawks of the owls. Straw covered the floor and owl droppings were everywhere. He didn't know which owl to pick so he called over until a barn owl flew over and landed on his outstretched arm.

"Oh you're a big fella, aren't you? Heh heh." He gave the letters to the owl and it flew off into the now rising sun.

Hank realized that he never checked out his wand thoroughly so he reached into his pocket and took out the long, wooden stick. Hank marveled at the craftsman ship of the wand; it was smooth and had a great finish. He waved it around and blue sparks flew out of the tip, startling the owls.

"Heh heh this isn't half bad." He continued waving his wand, making different color sparks appear.

"Having fun, Mr. Hill?" A voice said behind him. Hank turned around and noticed a wizard at the door. He had a long, white beard. He had an old and ancient, but kind looking face. His nose also looked as if it had been broken before. He recognized him from the feast, he was Albus Dumbledore. He was greatest wizard alive since Merlin and the headmaster of Hogwarts. "Don't worry, Mr. Hill, you aren't in trouble."

"Oh…hello, sir, I was just mailing some letters to people back home."

Dumbledore nodded. "Family and friends are our greatest treasures. Without them we are nothing."

It was silent for a moment. The only sounds were the fluttering of wings and the occasional squawk. Hank spoke up. "Sir, why am I here? I already have my own life back in the US. This magic isn't my thing. I'm just a simple man with a normal family."

"No one is simple, Mr. Hill, all of us have potential for greatness. If you stay here you will be able to reach it. Of course we can't make you stay here, but you can at least try for a while, I insist. Your father was a great man and would've wanted you to stay."

Hank thought about what Dumbledore had just said. He thought he was a simple man, but he knew he was no quitter.

"Alright, sir, I'll stay for a little bit, but the minute this place gets crazy I'm leaving."

Dumbledore nodded again. "Of course, we wouldn't have it any other way. Breakfast starts in a half hour so you should start making your way down. And if you have any questions you can see me in my office." Dumbledore started making his way towards the exit. "You know I've always been quiet fond of sherbet lemons."

"Sherbet lemons…?"

"Have a nice day, Mr. Hill." Dumbledore left the owlery, leaving Hank alone with his thoughts.


	7. The Potions Master

The next few days went by in a blur for Hank Hill. Classes started up and they were kept very busy. Hank did take Dumbledore's words to heart and wrote new letters to his friends. Hank was able to take time off work by using his saved up vacation days and he asked Dale to take care of Bobby when Peggy wasn't around.

When Hank first started classes he was surprised at what magic could really do. There really didn't seem to be any logic behind any of it. The castle itself was very odd; there were doors that didn't open and doors that weren't really doors. There was also one on the third floor that was always locked, which wouldn't have been too odd if there wasn't a growl coming from the other side. It seemed as if the castle was constantly moving around.

Charms was taught by Professor Flitwick, a very short man who looked as if he had a little goblin blood in him. Hank was a little cautious at first due to his first encounter with a goblin. Herbology was taught by a big, plump looking witch in the greenhouse outside the castle. The class taught magical plant care and maintenance. Hank was never a big gardener like his wife and son so it didn't interest him as much.

Transfiguration was taught by the stern professor McGonagall. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, wondering what they were going to do on their first day or where the professor was or why there was a cat sitting on her desk. After a few minutes the cat jumped from the desk, and to everyone's surprise turned into professor McGonagall.

"Hello, class." Everyone became instantly silent. "Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts. Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

She continued talking about the aspects and dangers of transfiguration, even turning a desk into a pig. Ron leaned over and whispered to Harry. "Transfiguration is fun, mate, but when I was 5 my brother turned my stuffed bear into a spider."

"Transfiguration is very difficult but once mastered can be used efficiently, isn't that right, Mr. Weasley?"

Ron gulped. "Yes, maam."

"Today we will be turning match sticks into needles with this spell." She pointed her wand at the chalk board and writing appeared. I will show you once and then find a partner and try for yourselves." She waved her wand over the match and it instantly turned into a needle.

Ron partnered up with Harry. Hank was planning on working alone but a boy named Neville asked him to be his partner. Hank reluctantly agreed.

Hank looked at the match. "Hmm, this is gonna be a little tricky. Well, here goes nothing." Hank waved his wand over the match and hoped for the best. The match twitched and turned silver, but was still a match. "Gosh dang it!"

McGonagall was walking by when she noticed what he'd done. "That was a very good attempt, Mr. Hill. Longbottom, let's see you give it a go."

Neville gulped and shakily waved his wand. For a minute nothing happened, and then the match burst into flames. A simple stream of water from McGonagall's wand put it out. "You have to be a little more careful next time Longbottom. Miss Granger mastered it on her first try, maybe she could help you. Try it a few more times."

The class continued on with everyone trying their best to transform their match into a needle. After another stretch of time class was over. McGonagall waved her wand and the matches all disappeared. "Alright class dismissed."

All of the students filed out of the classroom to their next class. Hank was walking towards the dungeon for potions when Harry and Ron decided to tag along.

"What did you think of the class, Harry?"

"It wasn't too bad; I'm just surprised that I'm not the only one who doesn't know anything about magic."

"I didn't know anything either, I still don't believe it, I tell you what." Hank added in. "What is potions, anyway? Is it like chemistry?"

Harry had no idea, neither did Ron, but Ron did say to watch out for Snape; he heard he was the worst.

They made their way into the cold dungeon where they would have double potions with the Slytherins. There were cauldrons all around, some were bubbling and releasing different color smoke and odors. Professor Snape, the potions master, was at his desk, eyeing Harry as he walked in. Once he thought everyone was in, he began his lesson.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making," he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word - like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort. "As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses...I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death..."

This piqued Hank's interest. 'Finally, something that doesn't involve magic.' He thought

Snape's eyes landed on Harry. "Ah, yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new _celebrity_. Tell me, Potter, where can I find a Bezor?"

Harry thought for a moment, but he had no idea. "I don't know, sir."

Hermione's hand shot up, trying to get the attention of Snape, but he paid no notice.

"Tell me, what's the difference between wolfsbane and monkshood?"

Hermione's hand shot up again, but Snape ignored it. "Well, Potter?"

"I don't know, sir."

Snape snickered. "Fame isn't everything, is it, Mr. Potter?" Malfoy and the other Slytherins laughed. "A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. And there is not difference between wolfsbane and monkshood."

Snape's eyes then landed on Hank. "What are you?"

Hank tried to keep his temper in check. "I'm Hank Hill, assistant manager of Strickland Propane and resident of Arlen, Texas. The best dang state in the world I tell you what."

Hank wasn't the only one trying to control his anger. "Well, Mr. Hill, I don't know what this 'propane' is, but if you're the manager of it then it must not be that good."

Hank lost it. "Propane is the cleanest and best burning fuel on the market. If you weren't a teacher, someone's ass would be getting kicked."

"20 points from Gryffindor."

Harry was pretty angry. "But, sir, you insulted him!"

Snape looked even angrier. "30 points from Gryffindor, any more outbursts and I start handing out detentions."

Hank and Harry both stopped, Harry didn't want to lose any more points and Hank was just tired of arguing.

Snape continued lecturing and Hank whispered under his breath "If he didn't have his fancy stick I bet I could kick his British ass."

Harry and Ron were the only ones to hear and they tried to hold in their laughter. They were assigned a potion that required precision. Hank didn't do too badly because all he had to do was follow the instructions. Neville, on the other hand, messed up and Snape had to clean his potion before it became a hazard.

After a tough class, they left to lunch.

"Did you see that Hermione girl, what a joke." Ron began mocking her hand raising, causing a few kids to laugh. Ron didn't look around when he said it because at that moment Hermione pushed past them with tears in her eyes.

Harry looked over at Ron. "See what you've done now?" Harry said angrily and he ran after her.


	8. Room of Requirement

September passed quickly for everyone at Hogwarts, even for Hank. Everyone had gotten into their own routine, balancing school work and leisure time. Ron and Harry became best mates, doing everything together. Hank, on the other hand, kept to himself mostly. He occasionally joined in conversations, especially when they involved the normal world.

Hank had gotten a few letters letting him know that Bobby was staying with Dale and that Buck had agreed to let Hank use his saved vacation time. He missed his home, family and friends, even Bill, but he missed his job most of all. The satisfaction he got from selling propane and propane accessories was divine. He couldn't imagine life without it.

Lunch at the Gryffindor table was the usual. Hank never really listened to what the kids talked about; he usually just ate, did some school work, and left. Today wasn't really different except Harry and Ron were talking about a break-in at Gringotts.

"Yeah it happened the same day Hagrid and I went, my birthday; I think he emptied the same vault." Hank drifted his attention in and out until Harry shouted. "Guys I think my potions book fell out of my bag when we were exploring! If I don't have it, Snape'll kill me." Snape abhorred Harry and he had no idea why. He would always find reasons to take house points away or give him a detention. Harry tried not to get on his bad side, no matter how impossible that was. Hank chimed in.

"I'll get it, Harry. I finished my lunch and I need to stretch the ol' legs anyhow."

Harry features calmed "Will you, Mr. Hill? That would be brilliant!"

Hank assured him it was no big deal and he made his way out. Hank had gotten much better at navigating the castle. He could now go a pretty good distance before he became lost. He had never been to the seventh floor, but he thought that all he had to do was go up.

Blue jeans weren't the best stair-climbing pants, but Hank somehow made it in no time flat. The seventh floor was abandoned and eerily quiet. Alone with his thoughts once again, he began to think about his job and how excited he is to go back to work during Christmas break.

"Ah, there it is!" Hank said as he picked up the potion book. "Wait a minute…that wasn't here a second ago…" Hank is already used to disappearing and reappearing doors, but this one was different. It seemed to be calling his name. Against his better judgment, Hank opened the door.

"My God…"

Inside the room was the perfect grilling space. A Char-King sat in the middle, connected to tanks of Strickland propane. His favorite spatula lay next to the grill. The room couldn't make food so it did the next best thing; it had books that showed him how to conjure all kinds of meat. Hank wasn't the best magician, but when it came to anything having to do with grilling he excelled.

He ran as fast as he could, almost bumping into some third years, so he could deliver the book to Harry and return to the room. He saw all the other Gryffindors still eating and he ran over to Harry and handed him the book.

"Thanks, Mister Hi-"Hank ran out before Harry could finish thanking him.

He spent the next few minutes trying to find the room again, searching up and down the hall. He gave up, defeated, because he had Potions and he didn't want to ruin his perfect record.

* * *

The dungeon was the same as ever, cold and anti-Gryffindor. Today they had to brew a semi-difficult potion that required hard to make ingredients that had to be added at the exact moment. Everyone did awful, except Hermione of course. She was the class genius, always getting everything on her first few tries. Her intelligence, of course, caused others to be jealous which hurt her popularity.

Before class ended, Snape waved his wand and made all the potions disappeared. A scowl appeared on his face before he began to speak. "All of you are just dreadful. None of you can become a proficient potion maker on will power alone; some of us need talent and skill." His eyes fell on Neville, who dropped his vial which shattered on the ground. With a lazy wave of his wand the glass disappeared. His eyes then landed on Harry. "Potter, 10 points from Gryffindor for adding the toad spleen early."

"But sir, I think everyone else did t-"

"5 points. I'd learn to keep your mouth shut, Potter." The bell rang signaling the end of class.

All of the Gryffindor's began to complain about Snape. "That bloody git, 'None of you can become a proficient potion maker on will power alone' where does he get these things? Are people like this in the muggle world, Mr. Hill?"

Hank adjusted his glasses. "No, people back in Arlen respect one another and all punishments and awards are justly awarde-" Something clicked inside Hank. "I've got to go try something." Hank started running towards the staircase. Harry called him and tried to stop him but he was out of ear shot in seconds. He made it to the seventh floor and looked around for the room one more time.

"Alright, I was thinking about propane and the door appeared. This goes against everything I believe in, but here it goes." Hank tried to think about propane as hard as he could. "Come on, come on" After a few seconds he opened his eyes and the door stood before him.

Hank spent as much time as he could in the room; he spent his lunches here, he never really liked anyone else, besides his wife, cooking his meals for free. Grilling always calmed him and he's glad he found this magical room.

"Ahh…this is the life." With a wave of his wand, a piece of steak appeared and landed on the grill, sizzling, and an Alamo appeared in on the table. "Haven't had a beer in ages." He sat down on a chair near the grill and cracked open the beer and took a sip. "Yup."

* * *

**So this story follow the events from sorcerer's/philosopher's stone. I use some lines from the book because I like the lines and I think it helps the story along. Reviews would be nice.**


	9. Flies and Lies

Today the Gryffindors had flying lessons with the Slytherins. During lunch, everyone was a little nervous, especially Hermione. Flying wasn't something you could learn in a book and she knew that. The only person who was even more nervous was Neville, who looked as though he was going to be sick.

Hank wasn't really interested in flying because he believed that brooms were only meant for sweeping, not for flight. Hermione was reading flying tips out of a book, but the only one who was really listening was Neville.

After lunch, all the kids went down to the flying pitch where they could begin. Brooms lay waiting on the ground for them in 2 parallel lines that had enough space in between for someone to stand. Madam Hooch, the old flying coach, stood in the middle, whistle in hand, waiting for all the students to get settled.

She blew her whistle, effectively silencing all of the kids. "Hello children. Today we'll be learning the basics of brooms and flying. Flying is very dangerous, but when learned can be a very useful skill. I'm sure all of you have noticed the brooms on the ground. When I blow my whistle, all of you will stick your hand out like so." Madam Hooch stuck her arm out with her palm facing the ground. "Then you will say 'up'.

Then you will straddle the broom and take off on my second whistle. Alright, begin!"

She whistled and everyone shouted at the same time; Harry was a little hesitant. "up!" The broom at his feet shot up and he almost fell over from the force. Not everyone was as successful as Harry. Some brooms, like Hermione's, twitched or did nothing, but Neville's shot up and smack him in the face.

Hank's, on the other hand, rose up a little, but then fell back. "Dang it…"

"Alright, that was a good try everyone. On my second whistle kick off from your broom. On 3. 1, 2-" Right before she blew the whistle she heard a shout. Neville had kicked off early and was slowly rising into the air. He was flying straight up and was flailing around until he was 20 feet off the ground. "THUD" Neville had fallen face first onto the pitch. Madam Hooch rushed over to Neville and helped him up. Neville was clutching his wrist and she had her arm around him.

"Alright, I will be right back after I bring Neville to the hospital wing. Nobody fly. If I catch anyone in the air you will be expelled faster than you can say quidditch." She hurried off and everyone began talking amongst themselves.

"Hey look what Longbottom forgot." Malfoy reached to the ground and picked up a glass ball. It was Neville's Remembrall. It was an item that turned a different color when the holder has forgotten something. The only problem being it doesn't tell you what. Harry stepped up, reaching for it.

"Give it here, Malfoy, that's not yours."

Malfoy put it out of Harry's reach and grabbed a broom. "Come and get it, Potter." With a hard kick, Malfoy was airborne.

Harry reached for a broom and Hank tried to stop him. "Don't do it, son. That glass ball isn't worth getting expelled, I tell you what."

"I'm not letting Malfoy get away with this." Harry kicked off and chased after Malfoy. Hank knew that Harry would probably need some help.

"Well, here goes nothing."

He grabbed his broom and kicked off. Flying was difficult, but Hank somehow managed to stay on his broom. Harry was speeding after Malfoy so Hank flew towards the pair, trying to cut Malfoy off. Harry loved it. Flying was something natural to him.

Hank, being the size he was, was a little too big for the broom. They were at least 40 feet off the ground and Hank made the mistake of looking down and nearly falling off.

"BWAAHHH!"

Malfoy smirked. "Scared, redneck?"

Hank's anger gave him the strength to get himself back on. "Why you little bastard."

Hank and Harry managed to trap him. "Alright, Malfoy, give it up."

Malfoy smirked and threw the remembrall up. With lightning fast reflexes, Harry started his decent. He flew straight down, getting closer and closer to the ground. Harry reached as far as he could and managed to grab it just before it reached the ground. Everyone started clapping and cheering as the pair landed.

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen get over here!" MacGonagall was walking towards the pair. "Everyone go back to your dorms except you two" She said, gesturing towards Hank and Harry. Everyone walked back towards the castle while the three of them waited. "Alright come with me."

They all went into the castle, not saying a word. Harry was worrying because he hadn't been here for long and really didn't want to go back to the Dursley's. Hank, on the other hand, wasn't worrying too much. Worst case scenario was him going home to his job and family. They entered a room and a boy who was probably in his fifth year was waiting.

They stopped outside a room and they picked up another kid.

"Harry, Hank, this is Oliver Wood, our quidditch captain."

All of them shook hands. "I was just telling him about that little incident with Mr. Longbottom's remembrall."

"If what I'm hearing is true then I'm impressed. Do any of you have any prior experience flying?"

Hank thought about it for a minute. "Well, I've flown in an airplane before, but I really prefer driving my truck."

Oliver looked a little confused then turned to Harry. "I heard you caught that remembrall from a fifty foot drop. Ever since we lost Charlie Weasley left we've needed a seeker, are you interested?"

"Really? I've never really played a sport before. I don't think I've heard of quidditch before. "

"Not to worry, Harry, you'll get the hang of it in no time. Hank, we need a chaser, are you in?"

"Ugh…well…is it anything like football?"

Oliver became perplexed once again. "Football…?"

Harry knew what that was. "Oh it's a game where you kick a ball in a net, trying to score points."

Hank chuckled. "Football? Heh heh, that's soccer."

Oliver put his hands up, trying to quiet them. "Alright I don't care what it is; we'll have time to explain the basics of quidditch eventually."

They finally agreed to meet at the pitch soon. They were dismissed and Hank and Harry left to class.

* * *

It was dinner time at Hogwarts and everyone was still talking about Harry and Hank. Many people were surprised to see them; they thought that they were all expelled. Hank was too tired to go to his grilling room right now, so he just opted to eat with the rest today.

Ron was excitingly telling the story to some Hufflepuffs.

"Yeah Hank and Harry were brilliant, you should've seen Malfoy's face when Harry caught the Remembrall."

Harry was very humble and denied that it was anything spectacular, that anybody could've done the same thing. Neville still wasn't back from the infirmary, so the Remembrall was sitting next to Harry's plate on the table.

3 people then walked towards the table. Malfoy and his cronies.

"Enjoying your last meal, Potter?"

"You're a lot braver now that your little friends are here." Harry said coolly. Crabbe and Goyle were far from little, but with teachers all around they couldn't do much.

"I'd take you on anytime on my own," said Malfoy. "Tonight, if you want, in a wizard's duel. No contact. Never heard of one, Potter?"

"Of course he has!" Ron chimed in. "I'm his second, who's yours?"

Malfoy looked over at Crabbe and Goyle. "Crabbe," he said. "We'll meet in the trophy room at midnight, it's always locked." Malfoy walked off with Crabbe and Goyle in his wake.

Hank didn't like the sound of all this. Ron was explaining to Harry what a wizard's duel was. Hank really didn't want any part of this so he left.

Hank spent the next few hours in the Room of Requirement, grilling a nice sirloin and drinking a beer. He hadn't spoken to anybody lately so he looked for something to write with. The room realized this and instead made a telephone. This telephone was made from magic so it could work.

He picked it up and dialed.

_Ring ring, ring ring. Hello?_

"Bobby, is that you? How's it going, boy?"

"_Hey Dad! I'm fine. Me and Joseph have been hanging out. _

"That's good, Bobby. How's Ladybird?"

"_She's fine, she doesn't like Mr. Gribble that much though. She always growls at him. I think she still remembers that time with Bandit. _

"Heh heh, she's a good girl, I don't blame her."

They continued talking for a few minutes, he hadn't talked to his son in a month so it felt good.

When he finally left the room it was half past eleven.

Hank reached the portrait and to his horror he realized he had forgotten the password. "Gosh dang it, what was the damn password." He tried asking the painting (something he was reluctant to do) but she refused to open. Hank was about to leave when he saw the painting swing open, revealing Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Before he could jump back in, they closed it behind themselves.

"You've got some nerve -" said Ron loudly.

"Shut up, both of you!" said Harry sharply. I heard something." It was a sort of snuffling.

"Mrs. Norris." breathed Ron, squinting through the dark.

"No, it's just me, Hank Hill."

They all breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh hey Mister Hill, are you here to join us?"

"No, I was doing something and I realized I had forgotten the password. Would ya mind tellin' me?"

Ron thought about it. "No, I think you need to live a little, break some rules for once. Come with us and you'll get to see your first duel."

"NO. I just want to go to bed. Rules are there for a reason."

"Thank you!" Hermione said. Ron shot her a dirty look.

"If you walk with us for a few minutes, I'll tell you the password."

Hank didn't want to wait outside all night, so acquiesced and followed the trio. They all expected Mrs. Norris or Filch to bump into them at any moment, but they were lucky.

They reached the trophy room. They were there first so they readied themselves. Harry pulled out his wand, expecting Malfoy to jump out at any minute and attack.

They all jumped when they heard a voice, but it wasn't Malfoy's.

"Sniff around, my sweet, they might be lurking in a corner." Filch was close, along with his cat Mrs. Norris.

Harry signaled them all to leave and the minute they left, Filch entered the trophy room.

Harry mouthed 'RUN' and they did so. Running in the dark wasn't the best idea, because Ron ran into a suit of armor, causing a sound that could've woken up the whole castle.

They ran even faster until they were sure they were safe. They realized that Malfoy must've tipped him off; it was his plan all along.

They were panting and sweating, but safe. That is until Peeves the poltergeist began shouting about students out of bed. They ran until they reached a lock door. They thought it was hopeless until Hermione seized Harry's wand.

"_Alohamora."_ The door clicked open and they rushed inside. They waited until Filch had passed until Harry spoke.

"That was a close one, Hermione."

Hank was going to express his rage, but Ron tugged on Hank's sleeve. "What no- oh my God…"

They realized they were in the forbidden corridor, and they realized why. Before them was a giant, 3 headed dog.

Three pairs of rolling, mad eyes; three noses, twitching and quivering in their direction; three drooling mouths, saliva hanging in slippery ropes from yellowish fangs.

It was staring right at them.

They opened the door behind them and ran as fast as they could back to the portrait.

They were all panting and one of them shouted 'PIG SNOUT! PIG SNOUT!' The door opened for them and they all ran back to their beds.

Hank was in shock and his adrenaline was pumping. He hadn't run that fast since his football playing days. First thing tomorrow morning he was going to see Dumbledore and leave this godforsaken school.


	10. Home Again

At the crack of dawn Hank arose from his bed and put his glasses on. The events of last night were still etched in his mind; he doesn't think he'll be able to look at another dog the same way again.

"*sigh*…I shouda left the minute I got here…" Hank grabbed his glasses and went downstairs. He looked around and saw the place abandoned. It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago he was almost mauled by a demon dog.

The hall ways were equally as abandoned; the sun was just rising over the horizon and a few rays of light escaped through the windows. All the portraits were sound asleep, some opening their eyes to see who was out, but they mumbled under their breaths and returned to sleep.

Hank wasn't really sure where the headmaster's office was, but he recalled over hearing that a stone gargoyle guarded the entrance. It took a good half an hour, but he managed to find it. The gargoyle was a piece of work; it was hard to believe that someone would want to carve something that hideous. He couldn't see an entrance, but this place doesn't usually have normal entrances.

Even though he had been here for over a month, Hank still found talking to inanimate objects, or what should be inanimate, weird and uncomfortable.

"Umm, can you let me up? I need to speak with Professor Dumbledore, it's urgent."

The gargoyle remained motionless, and then he slowly opened his eyes and yawned.

"Sorry, nobody gets up without a password."

"Password? Nobody told me anything about a password!"

"Whoa, calm down buddy, rules are rules. He told me you would stop by; he said he already told you."

Even though it was early, Hank didn't want to deal with this nonsense. "I don't remember any passwords!" Hank tried to remember anything he heard Dumbledore say that could hint at a password.

"Magic?" Nothing.

"Owls?" Nothing.

"Ugh…friendship?"

The gargoyle chuckled. "I don't have all day and you definitely aren't getting any younger"

Hank ignored the comment and struggled to think back to that day in the owlery. Did Dumbledore say anything odd or out of place to him?

"Wait minute…"

_"You know I've always been quiet fond of sherbet lemons."_

"…sherbet lemon?" The gargoyle nodded and the stone staircase appeared. Hank didn't want to waste any more time so he hustled up the stairs.

Before Hank could knock on the door, He heard a faint "come in". He slowly opened the door and entered the office. The office was amazing; thousands of books covered the walls, some in languages Hank had never seen before. Trinkets of all different sizes and shapes lay haphazardly around the office. Some were emitting odd sounds and others were producing colored smoke. A stone basin sat in the corner of the room with an odd substance that couldn't be described as either a solid, liquid, or gas.

Dumbledore sat at his desk reading _The Daily Prophet_. The cover had a picture of Gringotts and the headline 'NEW INFORMATION ON GRINGOTTS BREAK-IN' was flashing. A strange, red bird sat perched next to his desk. It was unlike any bird Hank had ever seen. "Hmm, the Chudley Cannon's lost another one, a real shame."

Hank had no idea who the Chudley Cannons were and he honestly didn't care. Before he could speak his mind, Dumbledore lowered the paper and focused on him.

"How may I help you this morning, Mr. Hill?"

"Oh…hello, sir. You know, I think I've had enough of this school; it's just too much excitement and confusion for me. I want to go back to work and see my family in Arlen."

Dumbledore nodded. His brilliant, blue eyes bore into Hank, Hank felt as if he was reading his mind. "I understand, but if you stay you will become something you never would've dreamed possible. Like I said before, I see great potential in you"

"But I'm assistant manager of Strickland Propane, what else could I possibly want?"

They sat in silence for a while, the only sound being the faint screech of an owl every so often. Dumbledore was the first to break the silence.

"I'll tell you what; I'll bring you home for the three day weekend. You'll get to see your family and you will have time to think about this."

"But-"

"No buts, Mr. Hill. Dropping out of Hogwarts is not a decision that should be taken lightly." Many people would have shouted or got angry at Hank's stubbornness, but Dumbledore retained a calm demeanor.

Hank thought about it. "Alright, sir, but if I want to stay home you'll let me."

"Of course, Mr. Hill. Now take my arm and we'll be on our way. All of your things will be there when you arrive. Oh and no magic, you may be of legal age, but you are still inexperienced and the ministry will be keeping a close eye on you."

"Alright, wouldn't dream of it." Hank grabbed Dumbledore's arm. WHOOSH! Once again he felt like he was being compressed, air being squeezed out of his lungs. As quickly as it begun it had ended.

Hank landed with a thud in the alley, the same place he met Donalbain two months prior. "Ugh…there has to be an easier way to travel, Professor Dumbledore, Professor?" Dumbledore had vanished, presumably back to the school. It was still early morning in Arlen so the sun had yet to rise. Hank stood up and brushed himself off and looked around. He took a deep breath and admired it all. " Ahh..Just as I left it..."

He walked towards his house, across his pristine lawn. His red truck still sat in the drive way; he made a mental note to clean it later. He opened his door and went inside. Ladybird got up and walked over to him, wagging her tail as best she could.

"Hey Ladybird, my wittle baby puppy, I missed you girl." Hank continued to pet Ladybird until he suddenly felt tired. After the excitement of last night he could barely sleep. He passed by Bobby's room and opened the door. Bobby was curled up in bed with a stuffed animal. "Good Lord…" Hank almost took it, but he was too tired so he just let him be. He opened his bedroom door and saw Peggy laying sound asleep. He took off his glasses and jumped next to her, falling asleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

* * *

**So what do you guys think? I think a review would be nice.**


	11. Trouble

"Hank….Hank….HANK!"

Hank awoke with a shock. Peggy had been shaking him for the past 5 minutes, but recent events made sleeping hard, so waking up wasn't easy.

"Oh…hey Peggy."

"When did you get home from your school? I thought you'd only be home for Christmas and Easter?"

Hank put his glasses on so he could see better. "Oh, so you know about that…I got in this morning; they let me go home for a few days. Where have you been? I don't seem to recall where you said you were going."

She frowned. "Hank, I told you that I was going to visit my parents, always if it doesn't have to do with propane you tune out. Hank?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry Peggy."

"So…magico? I always knew you were special, Hank. When you finish school will you be putting on magic shows in the rec. center? "

"WHAT? Like that phony-baloney magician? Heck no! I'm a real man who does honest work!"

"Then what do wizards do for jobs, Hank?"

The truth was Hank had no idea; he'd never seen or heard from any wizards before August. They both got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Bobby was already at school so it was just them to. Peggy made coffee while Hank picked up the newspaper lying on the table; he had been isolated from his world and was dying for some news.

"Huh…Cowboys are doing pretty well; I wish that gosh dang school got the games once in a while, or at least a television."

Peggy sat down and took a sip of her coffee. "So what do you do at Hogwarts?"

"Well…It's like a school, a real school, except it's…uh…_British_. I still don't know what a prefect or what a loo is and I don't really plan on finding out."

"Hank, Europe has some great schools, you should be grateful that they let you in there."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Honestly, I was thinking on dropping out, I need to get back to work, Buck Strickland needs me."

Peggy almost choked on her coffee. "WHAT? Hank we value education in this household, you know that! What kind of example would you be setting for Bobby?"

They sat in silence for a while, It was true, he didn't want to show Bobby that quitting was the easy way out. Hank continued reading his paper and Peggy was sipping her coffee. Hank quietly excused himself, he needed to make this decision on his own and he couldn't do it here. He took his truck keys and walked out the door. The alley sat in silence, it was still early and it was a Friday morning. Dale was most likely sleeping, Bill was probably at the barracks and Boomhauer was doing God knows what. His red truck still sat in the drive way. Opening the door, Hank turned the car on and drove away. Driving had always cleared his mind and helped him make decisions, no matter what was bothering him a good drive always helped.

He spent all day driving, stopping occasionally to weigh his options. He just couldn't understand, usually he'd be able to make a decision like this. Last time he had said no, but he was forced to go, but this time it was his choice. He had this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn't explain. Did he actually like the school?

"Ugh…I need a drink…" Hank looked around for a bar until he spotted one that was just on the outskirts of Arlen. It wasn't the nicest bar; a lot of unscrupulous people would call this place home. It wasn't the kind of bar Hank would want to be at, but tonight he didn't really have a choice. He walked in and he heard 80s music coming from the corner; Journey's _Don't Stop Believin'_ was playing. The bar was just as he expected; a small establishment with a dim lighting. Bikers were everywhere, smoking, drinking and playing pool. 'Must be some kind of convention in town or something' he thought.

He made his way over to the counter and sat down on an old bar stool. All of the smoke haze was making him dizzy, but he still signaled to the man behind the counter. The bartender walked over to him and asked what he wanted. "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender looked as if he had been an ex-con, but so did everyone else in here.

"What kind?"

"Umm…I don't care. American." The bartender nodded and walked away. He came back with a dirty mug, but Hank just shrugged. A few drinks later, Hank still didn't feel that much better, so he decided to call it quits. On his way out, he accidently bumped into a biker playing billiards, it wasn't too hard, but it was just enough for him to spill his beer down his white shirt.

"Oh I'm sorry, sir, my mistake." The biker turned around; he was a thick man wearing an American flag bandana. His long, dirty, black hair and facial hair lay unkempt oh his head and face. Even though he was a hefty man, Hank got the impression that he didn't lack in the muscle area. He didn't smell that nice either.

"You're damn straight! You should watch where you're going next time, redneck."

Hank was furious. "Hey, it was an accident, buddy. Nothing a good wash won't get out."

The man focused on Hank completely. "Are you implying that I don't bathe? You know what happened to the last guy who insulted me? He's eating everything through a straw now!"

Everyone's eyes were now on the pair, waiting to see what'll happen next.

"Alright, I don't want any trouble…" The biker grabbed a pool stick and snapped it in half over his knee.

"Well trouble's what you got." The pair started circling each other. Hank looked for a way out, but the patrons had circled around them, blocking off any escape route. He swung the pool stick and Hank ducked, but just barely. He felt the wind pass right over his head. "We can do this all day…" A few more swings but Hank dodged each one. He knew he couldn't dodge them all, and sure enough, one swing connected with his gut, knocking the wind out of him. Another connected to his back and Hank was on his knees. "See you later, redneck." He said. He raised the pool stick over his head, but at that moment, Hank felt an odd sensation that he had never felt in his life. A chair flew across the room and hit the biker, knocking him to the ground and allowing Hank a chance to recover.

Hank looked around, but no one looked as if they had thrown the chair. To everyone's amazement, a pool stick began floating in the air, towards the biker. It began smacking him over and over again, causing him to yelp in pain. Everyone was so transfixed that no one, not even the rest of his gang, rushed to his aid. He got up and began backpedaling towards the door. "You aren't human, what the hell are you? You…you…_freak!_" He ran out of the bar as fast as he could, least the 'freak' decide to attack again. Everyone's eyes were on Hank, so before they could say anything he ran out the door and into the safety of his truck.

"What in the God dang was that? That looked like I did…ugh…magic, but I didn't have one of those sticks and didn't cast any spells!" He was panting and confused. The pain was finally beginning to set in, but that was the least of his worries. Before he could start the car, he heard some knocks outside his window. He was expecting a cop or something, but instead it was a white barn owl. Inside of its beak was a letter. Hank rolled down his window and took the letter. He opened it and began to read:

_Dear Mr. Hill, _

_T__he Ministry has received intelligence that at eight twenty-three, this evening, you performed a charm on a Muggle pool stick in the presence of a Muggles and even attacked one. As a clear violation of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery (Yes you are of age, but you must complete school!), you are hereby expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and will be detained for assault. We request you at trial on the 28__th__ of October for official sentencing. _

_Hoping you are well, _

_Mafalda Hopkirk._

The message sank in after a few seconds. "BWWWAAAAHHHH!"


	12. The Plot Thickens

"Oh God! I didn't even mean to hurt the guy…I can't go to prison, much less a _magic_ one. What will happen to Strickland Propane without me? Oh my God…what will happen to Lady Bird!"

Hank knew he was in trouble; he had never been in this much trouble in his life. He had to get home and figure out what to do next.

Once again, Hank heard a knock on his car window. Fearing the worst, he looked over and was met with a familiar face.

"Donalbain?" Hank rolled down the window. Donalbain did not look too pleased, in fact, he looked worried. His usually neat robe was wrinkled and his hair was a mess, almost as if he had just jumped out of bed and apparated here.

"I came as soon as I heard. What have you done, Hank? Ministry agents are in the bar as we speak, obliviating the minds of all the patrons who witnessed your little fiasco! You're lucky that man wasn't seriously injured!"

Hank stepped out of his car, furious. "Now look here, you bastard, I didn't even DO anything. That fella tried to attack me, but the pool stick attacked him before he could. I didn't even have my wand!"

Donalbain's facial features relaxed once he had heard Hank's explanation. "Hmm…of course! You were in danger and your magic acted accordingly! I think we can prove your innocence and get all the charges dropped! However, you won't be allowed back at the school until your hearing. So you will have to stay in Arlen until then. I hope that isn't too much of an inconvenience."

Hank just got the best news he's had in a long time. Even with the threat of imprisonment, he was going to be home. He was going to be able to see his family and better yet, he was going to be able to go back to work.

As Hank drove off home, a ministry employee approached Donalbain.

"Everyone in the bar is set, however we were unable to locate the man who Mr. Hill assaulted."

"Find him! He couldn't have gone far. Make him your priority. The minister wouldn't be happy if he knew that that man had escaped seeing what he has seen."

The ministry grunt saluted and walked away, shuddering at the thought of the minister catching wind of what has happened.

The warm breeze felt nice to Hank as he drove down the highway. Once again, he had had a very long night and all he wanted to do was sleep. Tomorrow he would be calling Mr. Strickland and asking if he could come back to work.

Hank was in deep thought. He knew that something horrible had happened, but he couldn't help but feel happy to be home. He sighed and tried to forget about it. Nothing compared to a warm, Texan night. His mind raced with all the things he will be able to do again now that he's back. While his grilling room at school was nice, he couldn't wait to experience the real thing.

As Hank pulled into the driveway, the stressful night hit him even harder. He stumbled into his house and fell into his bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Elsewhere….

In an extensive dining hall, two figures are present. One is sitting at the head of the table and the other is kneeling next to him. The only light in the room comes from three candles present on the middle of the table. The man sitting in the chair is completely shrouded in darkness.

The groveling figure begins to speak: "My Lord? We just got word from our agent."

"Has the problem been…dealt with?" The sitting figure hissed.

"Well…" He gulped, "unfortunately, Hill p-performed wandless magic, f-forcing our man out of the vicinity b-before he could deal with hi.."

The sitting figure, in an instant, whipped out his wand and cursed the messenger. The messenger withered on the cold, stone floor in agony.

The messenger was forced to his feet and commanded to fetch Hank's attacker, who was going to be dealt with.

"You picked him to do this, Wormtail, one more mistake like this and I won't be so lenient next time."

The terrified look on Wormtail's face was replaced by smoke as he apparated out to bring the doomed man to his fate.

The boiling anger felt by the Dark Lord was immense. So immense, that across the country, an eleven year old boy clutched his searing forehead.

* * *

I know it's not much, but it's something. I'm a little rusty, but I'll get the hang of it again. More coming soon.


End file.
